What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you t
by Claire Violet Thorpe
Summary: Full title: What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know. This story goes against everything you thought you knew about Charlie Bone; expect silliness and out-of-character behavior! Now being revamped!
1. When Charlie Bone Showed Up

Title: **What the Children of the Red King don't want you to know**

Author: Jacquel Carey

Date Started: October 30, 2008

Last year, I started a series of one-shot stories poking fun at _Harry Potter_ called **Who's been reading a bad Harry Potter Fanfiction Story**. Many people read them and some said that it was the funniest thing out there. And these stories deal with Harry and everyone in it (_including me_) acting completely and totally out of character.

So, this year, I'd figured I would do the same thing to _Charlie Bone_. On this time, I'm going to call it **What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know…**, which is about how everyone in Charlie Bone acts so out of character that it's funny.

Or, why don't I try this: _I disguise myself as a Bloor's student and observe the Children of the Red King in their natural habitat. I also include the Lees, Harry, Ernest, and some original characters who can only be part of this series. And what I discover will shock you to the core_!

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This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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**When Charlie Bone Shows up…**

Ok, so here's how it all went down...(_according to me, anyway_!)

**Charlie**: (_an ordinary boy whose unwanted talent causes all sorts of problems_) Tra-la-la-la-la, I'm Charlie Bone, a normal little boy without a care in the world! (_just then, a camera goes off in his face_) Hey, that's not cool! (_keeps walking until another camera attacks him_) Cut it out! (_As soon as he reaches his house, a small boy shoves a pen and pad in his face_)

**Small boy**: Excuse me, mister, can I get your autograph?

**Charlie**: Why sure! (_he signs the boy's pad_) What is your name?

**Small boy**: Jason.

**Charlie**: Well, Jason, here's your paper. I'll see you around, then.

**Jason**: Thank, you! (_he leaves_)

**Charlie**: Now what was that about? (_just then his grandmother Maisie runs to him_)

**Maisie**: Oh Charlie, didn't you hear?

**Charlie**: Hear what?

**Maisie**: You're quite famous, Charlie.

**Charlie**: Why?

**Maisie**: This! (_she shows him a copy of_ Midnight for Charlie Bone) And this! (_scores of screaming fans surround his house_) And most certainly this! (_the paparazzi are just everywhere_)

**Charlie**: They must think I'm some kind of celebrity. But I'm not. I'm just Charlie Bone, a normal little boy without a care in the world! (_just then, Paton shows up_)

**Paton**: Hey, what the hell...(_just then, the bulbs in the cameras explode. everyone is seen running for cover. everyone, but Jason, that is_) Oh, ooooooooops!

**Charlie**: Oooooooops?! You've practically chased everyone off with your endowment!

**Paton**: Sorry. So anyway, let's all go inside and...(_notices Jason_) What are you doing here?

**Jason**: I'm Jason Bateman and I'm Charlie's biggest fan!

**Paton**: I see. Anyway, about that tea...(_Charlie's other grandmother Griselda is very upset_)

**Griselda**: PATON??? WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE??? YOU CHASED AWAY ALL THOSE PEOPLE!!! AND I WAS GETTING READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP!!!

**Paton**: On second thought, let's all go out for dinner.

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Lessons Learned:

1. Charlie Bone thought he was just an ordinary boy until his talent for hearing people's voices in pictures and paintings earns him unwanted fame.

2. Jason Bateman is a 6-year-old boy who loves all things fantasy.

3. Maisie Jones has always dreamed of being famous; she didn't say what she would be famous for.

4. Paton Yewbeam's strange talent of making bulbs explode could have some serious problems for everyone.

5. Griselda Yewbeam Bone is just being her usual diva self.

And that's **What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know**!

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Ok, so do you like it? If so, then drop a review. And if you have any questions, suggestions or ideas, please don't hesitate to contact me, as this is my first foray into poking fun at Charlie Bone.


	2. Harry Potter is NOT Charlie Bone

Wow...in its first 24 hours, this story has already has 17 hits and 1 comment, which I shall post here:

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molly  
2008-10-30  
ch 1, this is funny! update plz! plz tell me there is olivia/charlie or else i wont read this!

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Thank you very much for your review. Well you won't have to worry too much about that, because Olivia will fight everyone for her man!

And now for #2 in this story!

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This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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**Harry Potter is NOT Charlie Bone**

And now we have a message from the superfamous wizard named Harry Potter!

**Harry**: OK, everyone, here's the thing: many of you have read Charlie Bone and you have all assumed that his story is just another Harry Potter knock-off. I don't believe in such talk as this; in fact anyone who thinks that needs to get their eyes checked. I have a few things that I want to say here that will separate me from Charlie Bone:

1. I am simply a wizard and as far as things go, I go to a wizard school and live in the wizarding world. Charlie, however, has only one strange endowment and goes to a school that takes in endowed children and the school is located in a strange cit with a mysterious history...well, I should know; I went to that city! (I'll get back to you about that)

2. Charlie's relatives are magic and downright evil. My relatives despise anything magic.

3. My best friends are Ron and Hermione, but Charlie's friends are Lysander, Tancred, Gabriel, Emma, Olivia and sometimes Billy.

4. I end up marrying my best friend's sister (BIG MISTAKE!!!). I can't say the same for Charlie.

5. I am in no way related to Lord Voldemort at all and Charlie is related to his arch-nemesis, Manfred Bloor.

6. Well, my story is more of knights in wizarding robes and Charlie is more of a superhero than a wizard.

7. One of my other friends just happens to be a wealthy orphan named Jacquel Romanov and Charlie doesn't know any wealthy orphans. Not unless you count Billy Raven, of course!

8. I've spent several years of my life being chased after by Ron's sister Ginny and Charlie doesn't have a girlfriend. None of the kids in Charlie Bone are dating; they're between the ages of 12-14!

9. Charlie's father vanished off the face of the earth when he was just 2 years old, and I wish the same thing had happened to me.

10. Charlie has 8 books to his name while I recently ended my 7-book run.

And now you know that I'm nothing like Charlie Bone and he's nothing like me. And if you're still living under a rock, then I suggest you check out the next chapter, which is called "_My Wizard Can Kick Your Wizard's Ass_". Potter, OUT!!!

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Lessons Learned:

1. Harry meets Charlie in **Harry Potter & the Children of the Red King**, when he runs away and goes to Bloors.

2. Harry decides stay in Bloor's and gets adopted by the Bloor family, and Charlie doesn't know that yet.

3. And when Harry and Charlie do meet, they don't become friends right away.

4. Later on, when they do become friends, Harry will help Charlie deal with the Yewbeams.

And that's **What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know**!

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Love it? Hate it? Let me know;

THAT MEANS REVIEW, FOLKS!!!


	3. My Wizard Can Beat Up Your Wizard

this story now has has 60 hits; it is becoming quite popular. And now, I shall toss up another chapter in the grande old adventures of Charlie Bone!

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This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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**My Wizard Can Kick Your Wizard's Ass!**

Well, here's another way of looking at the comparisons between Harry Potter & Charlie Bone...

Charlie: attends Bloor's  
Harry: attends Hogwarts

Charlie & Harry both live with disagreeable relatives

Charlie's father, Lyell, disappeared when he was 2 years old  
Harry's parents James and Lily were killed by Lord Voldemort when Harry was a baby.

Charlie & Harry are both part of some prophecy.

Charlie's friends are other endowed people while Harry's friends are wizards.

Charlie's uncle Paton sides with him, and Harry can't get any of his relatives to see the light of anything (unless you count that one time Petunia tried to help him...but that's another story).

Charlie, unfortunately, hasn't had a girlfriend yet; Ginny has been after Harry for several years now.

Charlie is Manfred's distant cousin; he'd be envying Harry, who (THANK GOODNESS!) isn't related to the Dark Lord at all.

Harry lives in the wizarding world while Charlie lives in an ordinary world.

Charlie was supposed to have a 5-book series (but the author changed it to 8 due to their popularity); but Harry has already ended his 7-book run on a high note, or did it?

Now you know! And please tell me if there's anything I got wrong.

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Lessons Learned:

1. Harry Potter is more about knights in shimmering robes who fight Lord Voldemort while Charlie Bone is dedicated to super heroes.

2. Harry lucked out big time when he married Ginny. We won't have to worry about that happening to Charlie.

3. Also, Charlie Bone is more of a children's story while Harry Potter is for older children and adults.

And that's **What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know**!

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Do you agree with the comparisons between Harry Potter and Charlie Bone? If so, REVIEW!!!


	4. Who is Jacquel in this story?

Sorry for not posting earlier, but I hit a snag in my writing. And now, I shall toss up the next chapter in the grande old adventures of Charlie Bone!

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This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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**Who is Jacquel in this story?**

In my _Harry Potter_ fanfiction stories, I am featured under the name Jacquel Romanov. But luckily for all _Artemis Fowl_ and _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ fans, I won't butcher your fandom by injecting myself into it.

But then again, I am going to be jumping into the _Charlie Bone_ fandom because it's not as big as the other fandoms out there. But there's more than 1 girl in this story who will have Jacquel's element, and their antics will put Jacquel Romanov to shame.

So here are the Jacquels, or comparing the girls in _Charlie Bone_ to Jacquel Romanov:

Here's Jacquel's bio: _Jacquel is a brave girl who has a secret past. Her mother, Irene Romanov died when she was a year old and Dumbledore unwisely sent her to live with a cruel and philandering cousin named Nichollo Trichenberg. Jacquel's father is currently unknown although two wizards have claimed to be her father. Jacquel is the guardian of little Pamela (Pammy) and Chandler (Chutney) Trichenberg, who are Nichollo's children._

And now to compare her to various girls that are in the Charlie Bone Fandom:

1. **Addie Caldwell**: unendowed, hates magic, is normal, lives with her parents and stepbrother Trenton.

2. **Alyssa DeRagonez**: lives with her parents and older brothers and sister, unendowed but loves fantasy novels.

3. **Suzella Schmitt**: orphaned, lives with her aunt and uncle outside the city, unendowed but is ok with magic.

4. **Louise Evans**: orphaned, lives at Bloor's with her brothers Robbie, Felix, and David and sister Molly. Molly is a witch, Felix is endowed, but Louise, Robbie, and David are not.

**Harry**: Sorry, Charlie, but the girls you featured are nothing like Jacquel at all.

**Charlie**: Why not?

**Harry**: Because Jacquel just happens to be one-of-a-kind girl and all your Jacquels are just imitators.

**Olivia**: WHAT??? But that's not right, Harry! Why must _your _Jacquel be cooler than _our _Jacquels?

**Lysander**: Yeah, Harry, WHY?

**Harry**: Plain and simple, guys. I got to her first. You came second. And besides, my Jacquel is super cool and stuff while your Jacquel are simply...how should I put this...normal.

**All**: NORMAL????

**Harry**: Yeah, guys. Normal. Your Jacquels aren't magic or even endowed and my Jacquel just happens to be a perfect Werewitch.

**Charlie**: But that's not right! Can't our Jacquels at least be powerful?

**Jacquel**: Not if I have anything to say about it!

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Lessons Learned:

And there you have it, folks! Jacquel Romanov is a witch who kicks butt and takes names and Addie Caldwell, Alyssa DeRagonez, Suzella Schmitt, and Louise Evans are just nothing more than normal girls who just hang out with the endowed. Which do you think is better? Being a perfect Werewitch or just another normal, boring girl?

And that's **What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know**!

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Do you love Jacquel or the other girls? REVIEW!!!


	5. Midnight for Charlie Bone Mockup

So begins the mockup of the Children of the Red King Series!!!

First Book: _Midnight for Charlie Bone_

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This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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**Midnight for Charlie Bone Outtakes**

In every book, there is a part of the stories that have outtakes in them. These outtakes can range from silly to just plain stupid. And so we shall show you a couple of outtakes from _Midnight for Charlie Bone_.

**Charlie**: (_looking at the picture of Mr. Tolly and Emma_) Is there a man here?  
**Maisie**: Only you, Charlie.  
**Paton**: Hey, what about me?

**Venetia**: It's ok, Charlie; just look at the picture.  
**Charlie**: Ok. (_looks at picture_)  
**Voice 1**: I think I'm being spied on.  
**Voice 2**: You're sure, Holly?  
**Voice 1**: Of course I'm sure, Artemis Fowl! Don't I know a spy when I see one?  
**Voice 3**: Hey guys, check this out: (_Shows them a YouTube video_)  
**Voice 4**: Mulch, if you listen really hard, you can just about make out the sound of NOBODY GIVING A HOOT!!!  
**Lucretia**: Care to tell us what you heard?  
**Charlie**: Uhhh you don't wanna know; it's too weird!

**Fidelio**: Hey Charlie, instead of practicing the piano, let's watch YouTube video and learn how to play themes from TV shows.  
**Charlie**: Ok!

**Manfred**: Look at me!  
**Charlie**: You're ugly!  
**Manfred**: Ouch! That hurts!

**Julia**: Thanks for giving me that picture.  
**Charlie**: You're very welcome.  
**Julia**: And one more thing...  
**Charlie**: Yes?  
**Julia**: Do you know any single men out there who loves books?  
**Charlie**: Yeah, there's my uncle, Paton Yewbeam.  
**Julia**: Thanks!

**Charlie**: I can't believe I got detention, and on the first day no less!  
**Olivia**: That's all right! We can go spy on the Bloors!  
**Billy**: Good idea! (_They all go spy on the Bloors_)  
**Dr. Bloor**: Have you hidden the present?  
**Manfred**: Yeah. She'll never know what we're getting her for Christmas: it's a limited edition Hedwig bookend!  
**Dr. Bloor**: I heard you had to rip off 3 people just to get it.  
**Manfred**: That I did.  
**Charlie**: He's not a bully; he's a con artist!!

**Paton**: So let me get this straight: you heard Mr. Tolly's tapes?  
**Charlie**: Yeah.  
**Paton**: And what did they say?  
**Charlie**: They said that when his wife died Dr. Bloor offered to step in and help him raise Emma but Matthew McGuire beat him to it.  
**Paton**: And...  
**Charlie**: My dad saw it happening and he tried to stop him but Matt pushed him into a wall and he lost him memory.  
**Paton**: Oh that bastard!  
**Charlie**: I have more: Then Ezekiel tried to zap him with his home made wand but Emily zapped him first and that's why he's crippled for life.  
**Paton**: I don't believe this! What is this world coming to, when wizards steal children right from under the noses of their own parents?!

**Emilia**: You said you have something to tell me.  
**Charlie**: I have. And you're Emma Tolly, not Emilia Moon.  
**Emma**: WHAT???!!!  
**Lysander**: Ooooooohhhh!!!  
**Charlie**: Yeah. You were kidnapped by the McGuires and given to the Moon family.  
**Emma**: Why would they do something like that?  
**Olivia**: Because they're evil.  
**Emma**: Yeah. Thought so.

**Emma**: I'm not Emilia Moon, I'm Emma Tolly!  
**Manfred**: Of course you are. I mean, who did those idiots think they are, placing you with that terrible family? (_someone spills soda on Manfred's Hello Kitty pajamas_) Aaarrrgggghhhh!!! You just spilled soda on my _Hello Kitty_ pajamas!  
**Disembodied voice**: Sorry!!!  
**Manfred**: Do that one more time and no jam for a week!

**Julia**: Thank you for bringing her back, Paton.  
**Paton**: Are you serious? I've been wanting to do that for some time now. Now I'm going to off those McGuires.

**Griselda**: So, you were just trying to help a friend, weren't you?  
**Charlie**: Uh yeah?  
**Eustacia**: Well I knew that someone has enough sense to destroy what the McGuires have done. Here, have this cloak. Your old one came from the McGuires.  
**Charlie**: Gee thankies! (_he takes the cloak and leaves_)  
**Venetia**: Idiots! You just gave him the wrong cloak!  
**Lucretia**: What do you mean?  
**Venetia**: The sticking cloak was meant for Matthew!

**Charlie**: Stay with me Billy, ok?  
**Billy**: Ok. (_they walk a few ways. just then, Charlie's cloak is stuck to the wall_.)  
**Charlie**: Oh no!  
**Fidelio**: Charlie, you all right?  
**Charlie**: My cloak's stuck to the wall!  
**Gabriel**: I'll get help! (_he goes to find Tancred and Lysander_)  
**Charlie**: I should have known I picked up the wrong cloak!  
**Asa**: (_in beast form_) Yeah, you stupid boy! You shouldn't have picked up the wrong cloak. Now I'm gonna mess you up!  
**Tancred**: Not if we mess you up first! (_sends a huge wind that sends Asa and Zelda flying_)  
**Lysander**: (_grabs Charlie's cloak and rips it off the wall_) You ok, Charlie?  
**Charlie**: Yeah. (_his cape is torn to shreds_) Now let's get outta here!

**Emma**: I can't believe that it was just yesterday that I was living with a terrible family and now I have my aunt back. Never again will it be said that aunts are cruel. Blast you, J.K. Rowling!!!!  
**Paton**: Let's hear it for Charlie!  
**Everyone**: Charlie! Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!  
**Amy**: Are you ok, Charlie?  
**Charlie**: No mom. I'm actually quite upset.  
**Amy**: Why?  
**Charlie**: Mom, what did Matthew McGuire do with my dad?

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Lessons Learned:

And there you have the mockup of _Midnight for Charlie Bone_. Hope you enjoyed it. Next time, we'll be introducing the new characters that you'll be seeing only in Charlie Bone fanfiction!

And that's What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know!

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If, for some reason, you laaughed your head off at this joke of a story, then be on the lookout for more funny fics!

and if you want them to appear faster, subscribe and review!


	6. Randomness

I'm bored and since I haven got the original characters ready yet, I might as well kick off a page of randomness!! You'll love it!!_  
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This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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**Charlie Bone Randomness**

Here's some randomness fro you guys to enjoy...

Manfred/Charlie Slash???

**Manfred**: I can't stand those damn _Harry Potter_ fanfiction writers who think that Harry should hook up with Draco.

**Charlie**: Well, if you ask me, I'd say that Harry and Draco belong together.

**Manfred**: No way! Harry belongs with Hermione, not Ginny or whatever that chick's name is.

**Charlie**: Hey, there's a slash story about us!

**Manfred**: What??? Give me that! (_snatches paper from Charlie and reads it_) Who wrote this crap!

**Charlie**: Some girl named Hermione Granger.

**Manfred**: Well, I can't believe that this HERMIONE person thinks that WE should hook up! We hate each other's guts for crying out loud!

**Charlie**: And besides, we're cousins. Cousins cannot hook up under ANY circumstances! (_Ezekiel shows up and reads the story_)

**Ezekiel**: Yay! More fanfiction! Charlie, Manfred, I want you two to hook up in real life! Give Hermione something new to write about! Give the school something to talk about! Hahahahahahahahaha! Now hook up!

**Charlie** & **Manfred**: NOOOOOOO!!!

---

Penpals from Hogwarts

(_Dr. Bloor has everyone get a penpal from Hogwarts_)

**Dr. Bloor**: Today, I want all Children of the Red King to get a penpal from Hogwarts.

**Manfred**: Do we have to, Dad?

**Dr. Bloor**: Yes, Manfred, you have to. I want you to write that person a letter every week and mail it to them. And you will share their letters with the rest of the group.

**Charlie**: I think I'll write to Hermione and ask her why she likes to write slash fanfiction about me and Manfred.

**Emma**: There's stories about you hooking up with Manfred? Yucky!

**Tancred**: Who do you pick, Emma?

**Lysander**: I'd pick Ron.

**Emma**: Of course, you do, Sandy. What about you, Tanc?

**Tancred**: I'd go along with Seamus. Olivia?

**Olivia**: I like the sound of Malfoy. He's mean and nasty and everyone hates him.

**Emma**: Yeah, and I heard that his dad is a "_tart_".

**Manfred**: Uh, Tolly, a tart is something you eat, not a person.

**Emma**: What I meant to say was that according to some girl, Lucius Malfoy has long blond hair, wears elegant clothes like they're going out of style, and

carries a pimp cane...(_everyone laughs_)

**Olivia**: Lame.

**Charlie**: And I though slash stories about me were lame!

**Gabriel**: I think I'll write to that Ginny girl and ask her why she's so obsessed with Harry.

**Manfred**: Hey! That was my idea, Silk! Give it back!

**Asa**: Can we get back to who we're writing to?

**Dorcas**: Who did you pick? And don't tell me you'd choose Jacquel the Werewitch because I know how obsessed with werewolves you are...

**Asa**: No way! I've got Dean.

**Dorcas**: And I have Parvati.

**Dagbert**: Lavender.

**Billy**: Luna.

**Emma**: Neville.

**Charlie**: So who gets Harry?

**Idith**: Hand him over, he's mine!

**Inez**: And I want that Stacey kid.

**Charlie**: Well, Manny, looks like you're stuck with Jacquel the Werewitch. Have fun writing to her! (_everyone starts laughing at Manfred_)

**Manfred**: This can't be happening!

---

Charlie tries to escape from Ezekiel

**Charlie**: Finally, I can get away from that idiot! He's so annoying!

**Fidelio**: Why?

**Charlie**: He wants me to hook up with Manfred.

**Emma**: What? Ezekiel wants you to hook up with Manfred?

**Charlie**: Yeah.

**All**: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

**Ezekiel**: Charlie Bone, why aren't you making out with Manfred?

**Charlie**: Are you kidding? Manfred's a jerk!

**Manfred**: I heard that!

---

**Joshua's Pen Pal**

(_since everyone else got a penpal, Joshua has to get his!_)

**Joshua**: Hey guys. (_everyone is busy writing their letters_) What are you doing?

**Manfred**: If you have to know, Tilpin, we're writing to our pen pals.

**Joshua**: Oh really? And what about mine?

**Manfred**: I've just assigned you the Weasley Twins.

**Joshua**: But I wanted Jacquel the Werewitch.

**Manfred**: No; I've already picked her. Now write your letters to the twins. (_goes back to writing his letter_)

**Joshua**: This can't be happening!

---

Manfred Likes High School Musical

**Charlie**: Hey check this out! (_he shows off a YouTube of Manfred singing a_ **High School Musical** _song_)

**Gabriel**: (_laughing_)

**Emma**: Oh, that's just wrong!

**Olivia**: Serious, that dude likes **High School Musical**? That's just wrong!

**Billy**: Not to mention that **High School Musical** SUCKS!!! (_Manfred walks by_)

**Manfred**: WHAT WAS THAT??? (_cricket sounds_)

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Lessons Learned:

Randomness is sooo much fun!! Nuff said.

Next time, we'll be introducing the new characters that you'll be seeing only in Charlie Bone fanfiction!

And that's What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know!

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If you thought that was funny, then subscribe and review so I can write more chapters!!


	7. Original Characters in Charlie Bone

I FINALLY have the original characters from Charlie Bone! Now read or else!

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This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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**Original Characters in Charlie Bone**

Here is a list of some of the original characters that you will be meeting in my Charlie Bone fanfiction stories:

From the fanfic _Charlie Bone & the Mysterious Students_:

1. **Addie Caldwell**: stepsister of Trenton and Trevor. unendowed.

2. **Trenton Chattenberg**: brother of Trevor and Addie. descended from a group of monks. telekenitic. good.

3. **Trevor Chatternberg**: brother of Trenton and Addie. descended from a group of monks. telekenitic. bad.

4. **Jenner Du Bois**: nephew of Maurice Du Bois; brother of Maurice. wizard. related to Jonathan and Adrian Trichenberg, who are in my Harry Potter stories. good.

5. **Maurice Du Bios**: nephew of Maurice Du Bois; brother of Jenner. wizard. related to Jonathan and Adrian Trichenberg, who are in my Harry Potter stories. good.

6. **Alyssa DeRagonez**: descendant of the Red King but unendowed.

7. **David Evans**: brother of Marie Louise, Robbie, Felix, and Matilda. cousin of Harry Potter and Emma Tolly. descended from the Red King. unendowed.

8. **Felix Evans**: brother of Marie Louise, David, Robbie, and Matilda. cousin of Harry Potter and Emma Tolly. descended from the Red King. he can become a bird.

9. **Marie Louise Evans**: sister of David, Robbie, Felix, and Matilda. cousin of Harry Potter and Emma Tolly. descended from the Red King. unendowed.

10. **Matilda (Molly) Evans**: sister of Marie Louise, Robbie, Felix, and David. cousin of Harry Potter and Emma Tolly. descended from the Red King. witch.

11. **Robert (Robbie Lee) Evans**: brother of Marie Louise, David, Felix, and Matilda. cousin of Harry Potter and Emma Tolly. descended from the Red King. unendowed.

12. **Derrick Jamison**: descended from wizards. A Wizard. bad.

13. **Suzella Schmitt**: not endowed nor a Child of the Red King.

14. **Michael Shawson**: ward of the Bloors, who don't know who his family is or if he's even a descendant of the Red King. endowment unknown.

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From the fanfic _Of Bones & Campbells_:

1. **Cara Campbell**: eldest child in the family. Age: 14. distantly related to Grizelda Bone and Maisie Jones. Unendowed.

2. **Chandra Campbell**: second child in the family. Age: 12. distantly related to Grizelda Bone and Maisie Jones. Unendowed.

3. **Carissa Ann Campbell**: middle child in the family. Age: 11. distantly related to Grizelda Bone and Maisie Jones. Unendowed.

4. **Christina Campbell**: fourth child in the family. Age: 9. distantly related to Grizelda Bone and Maisie Jones. shapeshifter.

5. **Crystal Campbell**: fifth child in the family. Age: 7. distantly related to Grizelda Bone and Maisie Jones. can turn invisible.

6. **Conrad Campbell**: youngest child in the family. Age: 6. distantly related to Grizelda Bone and Maisie Jones. endowment hidden.

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From the fanfic _Harry Potter & the Children of the Red King 2_:

1. **John Albertson**: descended from shapeshifters. shapeshifter. bad.

2. **Meruvah Calvinian**: descendant of a waterbender. waterbender. bad.

3. **Felix Evans**: brother of Marie Louise, David, Robbie, and Matilda. cousin of Harry Potter and Emma Tolly. descended from the Red King. he can become a bird. good.

4. **Matilda (Molly) Evans**: sister of Marie Louise, Robbie, Felix, and David. cousin of Harry Potter and Emma Tolly. descended from the Red King. witch. good.

5. **Dakota Jones**: descendant of Mathonwy, who is also an ancestor of Charlie Bone. brother of Ginger. conjurer of spells. good.

6. **Ginger Jones**: descendant of Mathonwy, who is also an ancestor of Charlie Bone. sister of Dakota. conjourer of vines. good.

7. **Jacinth Kastianopolis**: descended from Greek sibyls. sister of Nicolas. cousin of Jadis and Jaden Kastianopolis, who frequent my Harry Potter fanfics. clairvoyant. good.

8. **Nicolas Kastianopolis**: descended from Greek sibyls. brother of Jacinth. cousin of Jadis and Jaden Kastianopolis, who frequent my Harry Potter fanfics. scryer. good.

9. **Tabitha Loom**: sister of Dorcas Loom. bewitches clothes. good.

10. **Nitalio Lucas**: descended from Spanish sorcerers. sorcerer. bad.

11. **Roland Maddaux**: ward of Mrs. Tiplin. his past and endowment are unknown.

12. **Olivia "Paige" Pettigrew**: sister of Princeton and Aslan Griswold, who frequents my Harry Potter fanfics. prefers to be called Paige. witch. good.

13. **Princeton Pettigrew**: brother of Paige and Aslan Griswold, who frequents my Harry Potter fanfics. wizard. good.

14. **Dorian Quincy**: ward of the Yewbeams. ancestry and endowment unknown. bad.

15. **Jennifer Ravencraft**: sister of Sarah and Liam. last member of the once-powerful Ravencraft family. cousin of Connor (Kirkwood), who is in my Harry Potter fanfics but is hardly mentioned. prefers to be called Jenny. unendowed.

16. **Sarah Ravencraft**: sister of Jenny and Liam. last member of the once-powerful Ravencraft family. cousin of Connor (Kirkwood), who is in my Harry Potter fanfics but is hardly mentioned. witch. good.

17. **William Ravencraft**: brother of Sarah and Jenny. last member of the once-powerful Ravencraft family. cousin of Connor (Kirkwood), who is in my Harry Potter fanfics but is hardly mentioned. prefers to be called Liam. unendowed.

18. **Stuart Robinson**: descended from a sorcerer. hypnotist. evil.

19. **Zoey Thorpe**: descended from the magical and controversial Thorpe family. magician. good.

20. **Maxwell Ruderford**: Youngest in a family that consists of brother Joseph and sisters Fiona and Madelyn. father Jason married a Yewbeam sister. his ancestors are unknown but he is endowed.

* * *

Other Random Characters who frequent these fanfics:

1. **Taylor Bauer**: meets Charlie in _Charlie Bone & the Return of the Boa_, _Charlie Bone & the Revenge of the Sorcerer_, _A Yewbeam Summer_, and _Boneless at Hogwarts._ He is not endowed nor is he descended from the Red King.

2. **Heather Homam**: meets Charlie in _Charlie Bone & the Return of the Boa_, _Charlie Bone & the Revenge of the Sorcerer_, _A Yewbeam Summer_, and_ Boneless at Hogwarts_. She is not endowed nor is he descended from the Red King.

3. **Elise Jones**: meets Charlie in _Of Bones & Campbells_. Related to Maisie Jones. Distantly related to Grizelda Bone. Unendowed.

4. **Alina Jones**: meets Charlie in _Of Bones & Campbells_. Related to Maisie Jones. Distantly related to Grizelda Bone. clairvoyant.

5. **Owen Jones**: meets Charlie in _Of Bones & Campbells_. Related to Maisie Jones. Distantly related to Grizelda Bone. Unendowed.

* * *

Lessons Learned: No matter how many characters are in this story, they'll never exactly measure up to the characters that are in my Harry Potter fanfiction stories. But that doesn't mean we can't try! So watch for these characters to invade your fanfiction place!

* * *

Next time, everyone gets a penpal! And that's What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know!

Want more? Then subscribe and review so I can write more chapters!!


	8. Don't Shut Out Charlie Bone!

And now for a short letter from Charlie Bone himself...

* * *

This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

* * *

**Don't Shut Out Charlie Bone!**

Now here's a letter from Charlie Bone to the everyone out there:

**Dear Everyone,**

**Harry Potter & Twilight have their own movies and I don't??? Why can't I be popular like them? Can I PLEASE have my moment in the limelight? When can I have my own movie? Is it too much for me to ask? No. Now read my books and MAKE THE MOVIE!!! Thank You.-Charlie Bone**

_This has been a message from the Charlie Bone Group, who are urging readers and bookworms everywhere to read Charlie Bone and not dismiss it or shut it down thinking it's a Harry Potter rip-off. Because it's not. Thank you._

* * *

Lessons Learned: Don't shut out Charlie Bone just because you've never heard of it. C'mon and give it a try, ok?

* * *

Next time, Manfred bans slash stories! And that's What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know!

Want more? Then subscribe and review so I can write more chapters!!


	9. Manfred Hates Slash

So after a while, I'm putting in a new chapter!

* * *

This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

* * *

**What? No Slash?**

So now we have a little problem at Bloor's; namely slash stories with your favorite characters! When Manfred bans slash stories, what will Charlie and his friends do? Or have they found a problem they can't solve?

**Charlie**: Well, this is just great!

**Olivia**: What is it?

**Charlie**: Manfred has banned all slash stories from Bloor's!

**All**: (_gasp_)

**Charlie**: It's very true. Manfred hates slash and doesn't want any of it anywhere near our school!

**Emma**: Manfred's a slashophobiac.

**Tancred**: What's that?

**Gabriel**: Manfred's an idiot and he's banning slash.

**Lysander**: He's against slash and he doesn't want us to be anywhere near slash fics at all.

**Olivia**: That's not fair!

**Fidelio**: What's wrong with slash anyway?

**Emma**: (_logging into fanfiction(.)net_) Look at what I found! (_they all gather around her computer_)

**Olivia**: Hey, it's a plethora of slash stories, all about Manfred and Asa!

**Emma**: And Lysander and Tancred!

**Charlie**: And Fidelio and Gabriel!

**Lysander**: And Charlie and Billy!

**Fidelio**: And Dagbert and Joshua!

**Tancred**: I don't get what's Manfred's deal about slash. It's not really that bad.

**Charlie**: Let's talk to him about it. (_they all go to Manfred's office_)

**Manfred**: Why are you kids here?

**Emma**: Why do you hate slash?

**Manfred**: I think it's disgusting. I hate it. You should hate it too.

**Olivia**: Manfred, you're acting like a big baby! Stop it! You can't tell us what we can and can't like!

**Billy**: Bad news, everyone!

**All**: Oh no! What is it?

**Billy**: it seems that there's more slash than we thought!

**Manfred**: Like WHAT?!

**Billy**: Well, most of the slash on fanfiction(.)net deals with you and Charlie!

**Charlie**: What? There's stories about me and Manfred together? that's gross!

**Lysander**: Who writes these stories?

**Manfred**: I don't know who's doing that, but when I find out who's writing those disgusting stories, I'm shutting them down! (_he storms off. kids wonder for a few seconds, then go back to fanfiction (.) net and continue reading stories_)

---_meanwhile in Dr. Bloor's office, where all th__e adults are busy writing slash stories_---

**Ezekiel**: Hahahahahaha! Manfred will never know it's me writing those stories about him and Charlie Bone!

**Mrs. Tiplin**: And I but he doesn't even know about the story about him and Joshua at that!

**Lord Grimwald**: Hah! You wish! I've got a story about Charlie and Dagbert with your name on it, Titania!

**Dr. Bloor**: Well, Manfred will never find out about us, because he thinks slash stories are written by a bunch of teenage fangirls, not that it's partly true, but you do know Manfred's not a fan of slash.

**Paton**: (_coming in_) Ok everyone! It's time for me to collect your stories so I can edit them and get them published...(_just then, a huge pile of paper is shoved into his bag_) Thanks a lot; I'll let you know when they're published. (_He leaves the office and runs into Charlie_) Hi, Charlie.

**Charlie**: Hi, Uncle Paton. Can you show me any interesting stories people have written?

**Paton**: Nope, I can't let you read them right now; you'll have to wait just like everyone else.

**Charlie**: Not fair!

**Paton**: You'll be the first to read them all; I've gotten you a fanfiction account, so you and your friends can read whatever stories you like.

**Charlie**: Yay!

**Paton**: (_leaving the school_) Manfred will never know...

* * *

Lessons Learned: Slash fiction is so much fun, why don't you give it a try. And never mind the slashophobiacs who will dare try to stop you; don't listen to them because they don't know what they're talking about.

Next time, it's a faceoff between Charlie Bone and Joshua Tilpin. And that's What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know!

Want more? Then subscribe and review so I can write more chapters!!


	10. Charlie is Famous

Yeah, this was supposed to be **Charlie vs. Joshua**, but I'll have to put that in the next chapter because the new book, _Charlie Bone &the Red Knight_ came out in bookstores yesterday. So now I give you the scoop on how everyone's doing since that fateful day.

* * *

This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

* * *

**Charlie is Famous**

_Now that the final book in the Charlie Bone series is out, how do the kids react?_

**Charlie**: Well, this is unexpected!

**All**: What?

**Charlie**: We're famous!

**All**: Of course! We're all famous! In England, that is.

**Olivia**: But not in America, though. They're still hooked on _Potter_-mania.

**Tancred**: But it's slowly waning, thanks to vampires.

**Emma**: Edward Cullen has certainly taken over as the new hot guy. And he's an American!

**Lysander**: Let's go to America and wipe the Disney crap away from kids everywhere and make them read our books!

(_they go to America and promote themselves, even to the point of steering kids away from HSM, the Jonas Brothers, and Hannah Montana long enough to get them to read the books_)

**Gabriel**: Well, some parents are saying that we're a rip-off of _Harry Potter_. That makes me mad!

**Charlie**: No, we're not! We're the Children of the Red King! Everyone will know that!

**Olivia**: But how will we do that without succumbing to the evils of Disney?

**Billy**: I have a plan!

(_1 plan later..._)

**Charlie**: Good idea to get us all a Twitter account, a YouTube account, a Facebook account, and a MySpace account, Billy. Now people will really start to notice us for sure!

**Lysander**: Of course! Now they'll have to pay attention to us!

(_1 moment later..._)

**Charlie**: I can't believe it! We're even more popular in America than those Disney jerks! Hah! Take that, Zac Efron! Girls think I'm cuter than you!

**Tancred**: Yeah! Those Jonas loser brothers have nothing on us boys!

**Emma**: And the guys think we're cute as well!

**Olivia**: And even the Lees seem to think so!

**Robbie**: In fact, we're almost as popular as the guys in Twilight! Hey, let's hang out with them for a while!

(_1 red carpet appearance later..._)

**Fidelio**: I don't know about you guys, but I think we're too famous.

* * *

Lessons Learned: Well, we gotta get Charlie Bone out there so he can compete with the ultimate fantasy boys and take their place!

Next time, it's a faceoff between Charlie Bone and Joshua Tilpin. And that's What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know!

Want more? Then subscribe and review so I can write more chapters!!


	11. Charlie vs Joshua

The promised chapter is FINALLY here!

* * *

This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

* * *

**Charlie vs. Joshua**

_Charlie and Joshua are at each other's throats! Who's going in?_

**Charlie**: I'm so sick and tired of that Joshua Tilpin!

**All**: Aren't we all!

**Charlie**: He's a jerk!

**All**: We know that!

**Olivia**: So what do we do with him?

**Tancred**: I know! Let's play pranks on him!

**Emma**: I agree.

**Lysander**: So how do we do that?

(_Joshua shows up out of nowhere_)

**Joshua**: Hey, wassup guys?

**Charlie**: Go away, Josh.

******Joshua**: Awww, why?

**Billy**: Because you're terrible.

**Joshua**: That's not very nice. We should be friends!

**Charlie**: Like we'll ever be friends to begin with.

**Joshua**: Why do you have to be so mean, Charlie?

**Charlie**: Plain and simple, Josh: you're a bully. And I don't like bullies. So beat it!

**Joshua**: I'm not Michael Jackson!

**Charlie**: And you're no friend of mine! (_they start fighting_)

**Billy**: This doesn't look good...

* * *

Lessons Learned: Will Charlie and Joshua ever get along?

Next time, Charlie Bone will meet Harry Potter. I bet that meeting won't go well.

And that's What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know!

Want more? Then subscribe and review so I can write more chapters!


	12. When Harry Met Charlie

As an apology for not updating this story in years, here comes a new chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

This fanfic is rated PG-13 for sexually oriented content, anything sorcery, mature language, and all kinds of other mature crap that is unsuitable for children under 13.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

* * *

**When Harry Met Charlie...**

in which two boys meet. Let's say the meeting doesn't go off too well...

(_Harry is upset after his last few meetings end in disaster. Charlie Bone seees him_)

**Charlie: **Hey Harry, are you all right?

**Harry: **No, Charlie. My life sucks, nobody likes me, and all my fans are abandoning me. What am I doing wrong?

**Charlie: **Well, for starters, you might want to get new glasses and a better haircut.

**Emma:** And divorce Ginny and give your kids better names.

**Olivia: **And find you another job.

**Harry: **Dang! You guys are even nicer than Eragon.

**Fidelio: **Who?

**Olivia: **The Dragon Rider.

**Emma: **Oh yeah! He's the one who is supposed to take down the the evil king.

**Charlie: **And his story is so much better than that_ Star Wars_. What an old school epic failure!

**Harry: **What?

**Charlie: **Well, Harry, I'm hearing rumors that your story has been classified as an "_epic fail_".

**Harry: **But why?

**Olivia: **Your story has been called "_cliched_", "_terrible_", "_pathetic_", "_insult to the fantasy genre_", and even "_full of witchcraft_".

**Fidelio: **Sorry, Harry, but I think you're better off joining us.

**Harry: **Like how? Everyone thinks that your story is a rip-off of mine.

**Charlie: **It's not.

**Harry: **Yeah. I know. Now I'm leaving to go sulk about how everyone hates me.

**Charlie: **(_watching Harry leave_) I don't know about this, guys. He's really taking a beating since his story ended.

**Olivia: **What are you talking about? As soon as our movie comes out, it'll pwn all his crappy films!

* * *

Lessons Learned: Well, Charlie may not be as poplar as Harry, but thas no reason why the two boys shouldn't get along.

Next time, Olivia will show you what's in her closet.

And that's What the Children of the Red King Don't Want you to Know!

Want more? Then subscribe and review so I can write more chapters!


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